I have not succeeded.
The world is almost completely silent and dark.
I no longer know if my loved ones are beside me, or have I been always alone, floating in nothingness. Anyway, it’s all the same: as long as we can, we’re fleeing and trying to forget about it, but in the end we all die alone.
And now it’s over.
It’s the end.
This is amazingly bizarre.
Even before my awareness had cleared, I immediately knew that I need to speak. I have to say aloud whatever comes to my mind so the automatons could log my words. Not that my mind-plex’s comings and goings are not under constant surveillance, but according to the Contract, the G Company wants to cover everything, and tries to acquire information from all the sources it can access, as they have always did.
If I’m not mistaken, this was the seventh replay, so there’s still about the same number of repetitions to come, but I’m not sure if I understand my choices and experiences any better. I’m curious to see if the new questions are going to be in the majority, or it will happen what I’m hoping for, but obviously I couldn’t have had any guarantee for this.
I cannot decide if it was a good idea volunteering for this mission (did I have a choice at all?), but now it’s too late to change my mind: I’m a couple thousands of lightyears from Earth, and there’s nothing I can do to stop this carousel.
How strange it is that contrary to previous scientific assumptions after accelerating to hyperspace the passage of time speeds up on board of the spaceship, while at home only a few months have passed since the launch! No living being could survive here without the stasis chambers, which, as well as stopping the subjective biological time produce the strangest gift: we can re-live our lives again, as if we have just rewinded its film reel, because our mind remembers everything. It remembers even more than actually happened. In hypersleep the future – that is, one of the possible futures – reveals itself, just like it had in my “previous life.” I haven’t been dying at all. Life is still ahead of me! And a couple thousands of lightyears of dreams.
But I don’t have any more time to ponder on this because the next cycle is right about to start. Soon I will lose my consciousness and relive the incomparably upsetting experience of being born, and in consequence I’ll forget everything so that I could start over – maybe this time a little differently.
Usually this is when I begin to truly doubt about the whole thing, and yield to the primeval panic and feel as if I’m falling into an abyss, and I no longer know why this is happening at all.
I no longer know from where do we come and to where do we go.
Where do we go? Wheeere? Waah? w…aah? WAH-WAH!?